A bunch of plankers

Planking occurs when simpletons engage in acts of moronic stupidity by laying horizontally on precarious ledges 100 metres above the ground for the purpose of entertaining other idiots who want to look at their pictures on Facebook.  I first heard the term planking about 3 days ago, after some genius fell off the narrow railing of a highrise Gold Coast appartment. 

And if you need any further evidence that this activity is very foolish can I just mention that Sam Newman did it?  What happened to the good old days, when the weakest links succombed to tuberculosis or cholera before the age of five? 

Now they miraculously reach adulthood and lie around planking.  Planking is the new cholera - eventually it'll get ya.  I really don't understand why it's so interesting, but that's probably due to the fact that I have a functioning brain.  Isn't planking just lying down?

I tried to look up the Australian Planking Association on Google, to see what all the brouhaha is about.  Google asks me:  Did you mean the Australian Banking Association?  No Google, I didn't; use your brain.  Google asks me: Did you mean the Australian Plankton Association?  No Google, is plankton in the news right now?  I don't think so.

I suppose these plankers are like plankton.  They are pretty darn low on the food chain and they are taken out fairly early in life because they haven't evolved like, say, sharks or astrophysicists.  Are young human planktons so desperate for attention that they are willing to risk their lives?  Of course not; they are just dickheads.  But surely they would get the same rush by sticking to their traditional hobbies; like breaking and entering, assault and battery, and vandalism. 

Speaking of planking things, the former Terminator / Governator planked his maid Mildred ten years ago, which produced a bastard baby cyborg.  He decided to tell the Shrivernator of the illicit plank only after he left office.  Which was a good move politically, but a stupid move domestically.   Maria was all pissed and crankypants and was last seen leaving their palatial Malibu pad shrieking "Hasta la vista baby! I won't be back!"   

Even my fave royal - Queen Lizzy - has been up to a spot of planking lately; on the balcony of the Palace after Wills and Kate's international wedding circus.  If you weren't carefully paying attention, you may have missed the entire firm's outstanding display of Irish planking, or reverse planking, amid all the hoopla.  Right on trend.