As the title of this post very wittily suggests, I have a psychological problem. And I want to try and fix it. I'm not happy with various elements of my life at the moment; it's all things I can change, I think, but stuff takes time. One of the key shit things in my life is that I can't escape winter this year, because everyone else at work got their leave in before me.
I imagine that sounds loopy and just a bit sooky to people who just don't prefer the cooler climes, but winter casts a really dark shadow over me that scares me a bit to be honest. I start to dread the onset of winter from about February, a good two months before we get the cooler temperatures. I don't think it's actually about winter at all, it's just the time my brain decides to be more depressed and anxious than it usually is.
Having said that, I seem to connect the cold weather to how I think and feel. I think perhaps somewhere, somehow my brain has managed to stuff up my synapses and reset everything to darkness; there is no light. It's fucking horrible.
I'm aware it's probably referred pain from something else going on in my little noggin, but I mostly like to live in denial of these things because it makes my life easier. Probably time to change that, given that it comes between me and happiness. Fortunately there are strategies you can learn to control this, and it's probably time I learnt them.
At this stage, the thought of even another two more winters in Canberra is something I can't mentally grasp. Leaving is something that is always in the back of my mind, but how is running away a solution? My brain is currently set to winter - gloomy, cloudy, depressing. Someone needs to talk to a shrink. I'm really going to try and manage the shit out of this in 2013. Yes.
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