Gravity (and Spoilers)

I ventured out today to the filmed entertainment place to see Sandra Bullock and that delectable George Clooney man in the outer space thriller, Gravity.  Might be some spoilers here - although if you haven't seen Gravity yet you need to get your shites together.

This movie is about a medical engineer and an astronaut who survive the mid-orbit destruction of their space shuttle and a return to Earth. I enjoyed this flick, but it also reminded me of why I decided to give up my career as a Hollywood movie star.  

You get to the top of your game and are so good at what you do that the only job you get offered involves sitting in a dark studio for three months breathing heavily into a fake space helmut while using your God-given Oscar winning facial expressions to make your eyes look anguished and distressed.  Poor Sandy Bullock.  

Clooney was fortunate enough to die at the start of the movie, and thus avoid having to look perma-traumatised for the duration of the movie-making process, which allowed him to return to his luxurious pad in *insert country*.

I'm pretty sure this pic is not from Gravity. 
But who cares.

In Gravity, Clooney plays a supremely confident and smooth astronaut commander; one of those men who are so annoyingly self-assured that they are just asking for a punch in the damn face.  Oops, not meant to punch people in the face or encourage such activities.  My bad then.

Despite his character’s constant sureties to the contrary, I imagine there is nothing peachy at all about being marooned in the earth’s orbit with a busted space ship.  Even if Clooney was there.

His character is on his last mission before retirement, and was entrusted with ensuring the crew didn’t plummet to their deaths, so things looked just bloody marvellous when he drifted off into the abyss. This movie is exactly why NASA does not let normal people into their space ships.  Because they ruin them with their averageness.  

Nevertheless, despite the extraordinarily bad odds and the fact that her character's not an astronaut but a medical engineer or some other job equally useless in an outer space workplace, Sandy somehow miraculously survives by space shuttlejacking an American, Russian and then a Chinese space ship.  Sounds reasonable.    

I’m pretty sure that Sandy has a few quid, so I don’t know why these powerful acting women let their directors sway them into doing gratuitous skimpy clothed shots just to satisfy the male viewers.  Having said that, the bitch has great legs, so why wouldn't you flash the universe the hot pants you're wearing under your spacesuit?