Stayin' Alive

As Mark Twain famously uttered about growing vegetables on your balcony, "All you need in life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure". Right on, Marky Mark.

So, with Twain's guidance and tentative approval, I've seemingly decided to become a 'plant person'. Let me tell you a story. Don't worry; it is not a long story. Even if it was a lengthy anecdote that's likely more your problem that mine because this is my blog actually.

Anyway, once upon a time about five weeks ago I was gifted a strawberry plant, by someone who was clearly unaware of my past arrests, prosecutions and convictions as a violent plant murderer. 

My recidivism rate has been high over the years. I couldn't help it, it's just who I am.  It was a time of plant hardship; trees died, shrubs ravaged, flowers annihilated, the lives of young plants cut too short, perennial herb families torn apart.

While in some cases the death penalty may be a viable option for dealing with people who kill plants for a hobby, some people can change after committing murder.

The statistics are fairly low, but some people who have been found guilty of murder can be rehabilitated. With this in mind, I receipted the strawberry plant, with the hope and the promise of a new dawn, a new day, a new life, or of someone who doesn't know what's good for them.

So I left the strawberry plant at work in the sun that weekend. It didn't end well. My strawberry plant died, didn't it. Cue sad violins and all the sad emoticons to illustrate all my sad feels of that sad time.

Then, a few weeks ago, completely unprompted, the same enabler gave me a tomato plant. It was tall, it was healthy and it didn't look like it wanted to die. So much pressure. SO MUCH. This was the turning point. I could look to the past and learn from my mistakes, just like with the Titanic, Chernobyl, Costa Concordia and Tiger Woods.

This time I sought help, and was rewarded with much conflicting plant care advice. Gardening is confusing and hard.  I had a list of instructions of things to do to care for the thing that effectively amounted to 'water it and don't kill it'.

Growing vegetables comes with great responsibility. For example, you have to give it a name.  My little tomato plant is called Harry Highplants and also Harry Potted. Behold the two-named plant!

And it's going strong! I've got little tomatoes.  I've turned over a new leaf, so to speak. The damn tomatoes want it all though. 

They want sun, sun, sun but they also want shelter. They can't have everything they want. We don't always get what we want in life. They probably want to live in the garden of an ocean front mansion in Malibu, but only the rich and famous tomatoes get to do that.