Plush Fluffy Toys Lie

A realistic Great White soft toy

Plush fluffy toys of the cutesy native Australian creature nature are simply a part of a monumental strategy to lure foreign alien people from millions of miles away to come and stare in amazeballs at a curvy, archy bridge in Sydneytown and a giant red rock in the middle of nowhere (it's a big mystery why no-one has asked me to write Australian tourism brochure material).

But plush fluffy toys are big fat liars.  When did you last see a real life koala bear that wore thongs (flip flops if you are of Americana origin), carried a stubby, wore a corked hat or didn't have gigantic protruding claws of death?

And koalas don't smile.  They don't want to be in cute photos cuddling you.    They hate you.  They hate all humans.  They don't need you.  They don't want you around.  Because they're koalas.  Not dogs; koalas.  Wild animals.  Got it?

There is nothing realistic about fluffy toys.  I would like to see stuffed toys that epitomise their country of origin. For example, a toy Great White should be covered in sharky shark slime and have bloodied teeth and terrifying eyes, rather than those comical black and white velcro eyes you can purchase in a pack of ten at Spotlight.