Soarin' Over Canberra

This time last year I was gearing up to head over to 'sunny side up with extra cheese and a sprinkling of hurricane activity' Florida, so that's a bit depressing.  This time this year I'm gearing up to spend a long cold winter in icy Canberra, the most northern point of Antarctica. 

Soarin' is like crack.

Oh look, I'm writing about weather again.  Did you know that weather is a natural phenomenom created by God to give boring people something to talk about it?  Well this post is fun.  

One of the most entertaining parts of my trip to Orlando last year was the Soarin' Over California ride at DisneyWorld.  I have no idea why I am attracted to Disney, what with its relentlessly upbeat world and endless kilometres of sticky children.  It's a big mystery, for sure.

I went on Soarin' about 14 times, because 13 times is just not enough times.  Soarin' is a simulated attraction that raises you fairly high above the ground via a mechical lift system and takes you on a hang gliding tour around California.  It is spectacular.



It's also 4D, so you smell the orange blossoms of Napa Valley, the evergreens over the mountains, the redwoods, and the sea breeze at Malibu and Monterey, and you feel the jolting vibrations of the fireworks as you end up on Main Street, Disneyland at Christmas time.

And each time you land, your thongs are waiting for you in the exact place you left them, bizarrely enough, which I found endlessly hilarious for some inexplicable reason.  

Which all makes me think - surely we could look into a Canberra version of this thrilling ride.  For example, we could start at Tuggeranong, where an icy ill wind blows off the snowy mountains and gives you a mild case of severe frostbite, then soar on up the backstreets to Chisholm, the Malibu of my hometown, where simulated beer cans are thrown at your head and you whiff the faintest aroma of crown lager and sick. 

Then we head over to Mugga Lane, where you catch the gentle aroma of roadkill and garbage, and then soar over toward Lake Burley Griffin, and suffer mildly severish allergies as pollen dust is blown in your face before the pungent stench of blue-green algae fills your nostrils.  Just like Disney. 



More crack. I just don't need to go into
Disney's candy stores, said me never.