Local tabby cat, Jim Cumberbatch, said “it puts people into a clusterf**k of hysteria and panic when they see a black cat on Friday the 13th and I do not hate it. The only time it’s unlucky to see a black cat is when you’re a mouse. You humans need to grow some furballs”.
"That's going to be my schtick this Friday 13th. While black cats are comparatively dull and boring to more interesting textured and colourful felines like myself, they nail the scary stuff", Mr Cumberbatch said.
When advised that he wasn’t a black cat and was, henceforth, not that scary, Mr Cumberbatch was non-puss-ed. “I’ve got my onesie costume ready. Imagine this with a black onesie on”, before catapulting himself off his roof onto a reporter’s head, in what can only be described as an aggressive manner. “If I throw in a bit of eye contact stare and borrow my tradie mate Bryan’s ladder, they lose their friggin’ minds”.
When asked if he was bothered by praying on all the paraskevidekatriaphobic’s out there, Mr Cumberbatch said “I’m a cat, I don’t speak French I’m fairly certain”.
Before adding, “as if humans can’t get any more stupid, they get scared of a black 25cm high four-legged animal, which is kind of racist, and then develop some weird fear of Friday the 13th, a fear of the number 13, and a fear of the friggin’ Norse goddess after whom Friday is named, who was coincidentally called Frigg. I’m not the main perpetrator here”.
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