My current spate of mass hysteria is primarily driven by the fact that I've sort of mostly kind of quit most sugar and I've found something new to replace it with. Great success. CAFFEINE! Yes, caffeine!!! CAFFEINE!!! It's probably not immediately obviously to the layman that I've consumed any caffeine at all today, but I have. They do say you should replace one dubious habit with another. It's true; I read that on the back of a KFC (yum, so good, stop judging me, I'll do what I want, you're not the boss of me) bathroom door somewhere.
I probably could have turned to water in my hour of need but it's a clear, pompous little fluid, what with its sanctimonious health properties and its dirty detoxy ways. No wonder all the other beverages despise it. Except for when it freezes itself - then it'll go after any drink, the little tramp.
I criticise its shady methods, but I am actually also abusing the watery substance in its natural form right now as well - in the manner of about four litres a day - which is fortunate because I am also drinking about half that in caffeine. It's like the lack of sugar has sent me completely bonkers. And sleep... what's that?... is that some weirdo dodgy pastime you people do at night or something?...oh, you crazy kids and your shenanigans.
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