Thursday 29 September 2011

Laogai: The Chinese Gulag - even the cover is censored

LaoGai: The Chinese Gulag.  This book was released decades ago and I guess it has been re-released in September 2011.  It's available at all good torture facilities in China. The Chinese Government, once again, letting the world know that they are the kings of free speech, pending the censorious black magic marker. 

Not even the cover gets a free ride.  The Laogai Research Foundation is dedicated to documenting and exposing systematic abuses of human rights in China, except on the occasions when it contraves the views of the Chinese Government, which is practically always.

Tuesday 27 September 2011

Mt Everestesque, Exercise and Excuses

I am trying to get fit at the moment and it sucks a great deal.

Excuses and denial come in very handy when one is trying to get off one's arse and go for a jog in the early evening twilight after work.  And there's nothing like a bit of panting and asthma wheezing to attract the annoyed stares and whispers from the local magpies and other wildlife trying to have a quiet evening in.

"I've torn an abdominal muscle" was a very effective excuse for a few weeks, in so much that I knew I wasn't lying to myself because the doctor told me not to exercise for a minimum of three weeks. Bummer, I said; but I was secretly pleased with my temporary muscle damage. But unfortunately that excuse has lost its legitimacy, given that I saw the doc four weeks ago.  You do the math.

"It might rain" was also a reasonable justification to get out of exercising, given that it held an element of truth when Canberra went through a period of sunshinelessness, which affixed itself to the tale end of winter, just so you knew who was responsible for our weather oppression. Alas, this excuse doesn’t carry much weight when the sky is blue.

Ditto for "it's getting dark"; an excuse with great legitimacy in the depths of winter, when you have to start your working day at 6am to get home in time to go for a run. Only shift worker carry out this fanatical ritual, and most of them go to the pub at 3pm anyway. They sure as shit don't go for a run up a mountainous peak, in any case.

"I hate people" is generally an effective excuse to get out of exercising; given that the mount where I torture myself has become more popular in the last few years thanks to society's interest in not becoming obese. I don't like communicating with people at the best of times, and I definitely don't like acknowledging unfamiliar folk on mountains. It's not because I'm in the zone, or that I’m being Zen; I just don't like people a great deal.

"My exercise tool is too far away" has never been a strong contender as an excuse not to exercise for me, especially since I've opted to utilise the little mount near where I live. I literally have to walk out the front of the house and I am there; right at the foothills of a dangerous rocky cliff face.

And with this diminutive Everest being introduced into my "intensive training program", my old faithful excuse of "I have dodgy knees" has been getting a bit of a resurgence. It's actually the only valid excuse that I have, but is not really justified when this mini-me Himalayan range is about 10 metres above sea level,  Or ten metres above the rest of the ground, I can’t remember which.  It's whichever one that makes it sound like I run up mountain ranges.

So last night I recognised that I was probably all out of excuses, so I did ten - yes, TEN! - up and downs of my Everestesque mount. Apparently I have to do this again and again if I want to get fit. This sucks.

Friday 23 September 2011

Earth bound, fun-sized space junk

NASA have been putting various this and that made of titanium, aluminium, steel and probably candle stick wax into outer space for decades now, but they don't seem to be terribly adept at bringing much of their space junk back down to earth.

Thanks to the efforts of the United States and other rich countries with rocket ships and sputniks, the vast amount of objects in orbit around the earth, a strip also known as Greater Washington D.C. if you ask Washington D.C., is littered with random parts of old satellites, abandoned rocket boosters, Luke Skywalker's lightsaber and bits and pieces of broken storm trooper.  Thanks George Lucas.

True to form, the Russians have contributed to the problem, throwing endless empty oversized vodka bottles out of their shuttle windows while entertaining ogliarch after ogliarch in their makeshift supersonic grottos.

The people who research such things say there is so much space junk up there that it resembles peak hour around the Arc de Triomphe.  So it's probably a good thing that NASA are actually bringing down one of their satellites rather than leaving it floating through the world's biggest garbage dump.

NASA's doomed Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite (UARS) is due to 'touch down' to earth early Saturday 24 September 2011, Australian time (EST), but NASA doesn't really know when and it doesn't really know where.  It's all a big mystery to the government department that put man on the moon.  And NASA's Twitter page doesn't fill me with any confidence whatsoever.  They say it won't beach itself in Northern America, which basically tells me that they don't really give a shit where it lands, as long as it's not over Northern America

Given the brazillions of dosh that was poured into NASA over the forty year space program, you'd think one of their rocket scientists would think to attach a futuristic GPS tracking device.  I know the satellite has been dead since 2005, and I know that it was launched twenty years ago, but these people are paid to look into the future of space travel and come up with something better than "it's too early to estimate where UARS debris will land, but we know where it won't".  So basically their advice is to duck.

I suppose it doesn't really matters where it lands; it's only 5,900 kilograms.  NASA says the bus-size (which is slightly bigger than a fun-sized Mars Bar) satellite will break apart and "mostly" burn up on the way down, and they estimate these bit-sized chunks, some weighing 330 pounds, will hurtle unconrtollably toward earth, and will hopefully land on something meaningless like the Kardashians.

Saturday 10 September 2011

Why Bed Bath N' Table love Halloween, but I don't

Today I innocently wandered into a retail death trap set by stealth-like shop assistants, who were intent on seeing me suffer a socially awkward anxiety attack in front of their cash register.  The buggers have have put out their Halloween merchandise and tacky decorations (see: fake spiders) ALREADY. 

I thought I had a few weeks to prep for the trauma that is involved, but they took me by surprise this year.  For the love of god, why do they need to put plastic spiders on the cash register??!   Perhaps I'll take in a big can of Mortein and jam it up their EFTPOS machine.

I used to love Halloween. When I was eight.  Living in New Delhi, India, and attending an American school, my sister and I got right into the spirit of things with our friends, spurred on by the American obsession with celebrating the holiday through jack-o'-lantern carvings, dressing up as ghosts trapped in purgatory, and trick or treating our way through the diplomats in the U.S. Embassy who were stupid enough to open their doors to us.  We had so much fun; it's a shame that Australia doesn't celebrate the holiday with quite the same enthusiasm as Americans.

I took all the trimmings of Halloween in my stride back in the day.  All the symbolism of skeletons, witches and ghosts in low thread count white sheets, and the associated spiders and other creepy crawlies didn't bother me at all.  But that all changed the day a non-itsy bitsy super-spider fell onto the white doona of my bed during a holiday in Northern India.  It was the beginning of my arachnophobia. 

Many moons, and countless stereotypical close encounters with eight-legged monsters later, I can safely say that I got it bad.  People tell me to just go get it fixed, like it was an oil leak in my car.  But it's not a friggin' oil leak, people, I have a friggin' psychological disorder.  And research shows that "hardly any" people seek treatment for their phobia.

Which makes sense, given that sufferers are terrified of the object of their phobia.  You couldn't pay me to voluntarily get treatment, because I know that the process of systemic desensitisation involves, at some point, handling a spider.  

I studied this treatment at uni in psych, and I know that I should be slightly less mortified by the time I handle the spider, but I still can't do it.  No way. 

Plus, I've seen this show from the U.S. where this shrink's idea of therapy is to force their client to spend a night (with the shrink) in a spider-infested house, and they don't know where the spiders are hiding, and then they get all surprised when they find them in the morning and then, presumably, they are cured.  I am still completely traumatised by this documentary. 

But, I can't kill spiders because it's against my rules, so on the occasions that it comes down to me and the spider, it's all about who blinks first, and then the other runs away and we just pretend that it didn't happen.  And then I rope some poor sucker into taking it outside, under strict instructions to not kill the prisoner.  Poor little things.

Sunday 4 September 2011

Torn muscle issues

I have managed to tear one of my abdominal muscles through a complex and technical process involving a shitload of coughing.  Shitload being the layman's understanding for doing a lot of anything.  The doctor says I have torn a muscle but I believe that he is WRONG, and that I have actually busted every one of the bones in my right rib cage.  I think this is so because it hurts a SHITLOAD.  The genesis of my cough can be found here.

I reluctantly went to the doctor last week after the relentless pestering of my coworkers, which may or may not have had something to do with my relentless whinging and whining about my PAIN and that NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS MY BURDEN.  Well, someone on my floor at work brought in this coughing disease that must have been distributed by their germ-ridden offspring, so it stands to reason that everyone in hearing range should suffer for my burden by having their auditory sense somewhat inhibited by my coughing.

The other reason I went to the doc was because I am a responsible adult and I wanted to make sure that my life wasn't under direct threat from an exploding gall bladder or an imploding rib bone puncturing one of my lungs.  Because that would have really sucked.  So the doc told me that I need to rest, rest and rest so it can get better, better and betterer, or some advice of equal ridiculosity.

I'm sorry - rest?  Is that the thing where people sit still for hours and hours while keeping their hands busy with some type of remote control or needlepoint embroidery?  Yeah, I don't do that.  I am more than happy to do dencorub and nurofen and heat packs, but I'm not very good at sitting still, even if my attention is distracted by a DVD box set of Bones.

Mr Pelican being awesome
I am very much not one of those people who sit on the couch on a rainy Saturday afternoon and watches twelve DVDs in a row.  That is my idea of suffering and punishment.  By the end of the day my cabin fever would rival Norman Bates'.  I can sit around for about an hour and a half on the weekend while reading the newspapers but then I must go and do stuff that involves movement or I am prone to self destruct.
So my first weekend with my new condition was spent resting at Broulee on the South Coast; following doctors orders.  My resting involved climbing over rocks, going out on a boat without a warm jacket in sea-salt scented gale force winds, and walking on loose sand along a hurricane-infested beach.  You know; resting. 

I don't feel so good right now. 

Thursday 1 September 2011

Betrayal © Copyright 2011 (Short Story)

Sergeant Ralph “Hectic” Percy kicked open the door of the officers’ mess with his combat boots. Instead of getting the hell out of his way, the door swung back and got another firm kick for its troubles, then slammed angrily behind him. Percy walked across the metal mesh access point and stood at the top of the dusty makeshift stairs. He looked stoic and composed, but he was devastated.

This morning, Captain Percy had walked into the dusty HQ building for a debrief over the incident last night. Two hours later, he had less than 24 hours before he and his team would evacuate the area. It was deemed to be too dangerous and just too much of a risk to remain.

Percy’s team had flown into this Afghani province from Kabul to support the Army field engineers, who were teaching bridge construction skills to the local Afghani tech heads and soldiers, as part of the Coalition’s attempt to instill functioning infrastructure in the country.

And last night, on a routine patrol, one of the Afghani engineers - Behnam – decided to catch a lift with Percy’s team. Just out from the base, their Bushmaster was hit by a roadside bomb and exploded into pieces, injuring three soldiers and killing two team members instantly. Killing Behnam. Percy blamed himself for their deaths, and thought it would have been better if it had been him.

Percy’s superiors said the incident last night was the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’. The Coalition troops were being thumped by the Taliban, and had suffered heavy losses in all provinces of Afghanistan where they had a presence. But Percy figured that was nothing new in a war zone, and nothing new against an enemy that valued death over life, and power over democracy.

Last night Percy had no men to fight the might of the Taliban. And they were still mighty, all right! He had no men to patrol the area where the Taliban had laid their deathly trap. Percy knew they could take the Taliban; if only they had more time. And more resources. However, resources had been reallocated to anywhere but controversial, conflict-ridden Afghanistan. Facing monumental pressure from some sections of the Australian media, the Prime Minister had decided to pull the Aussie contingent from this province.

Bloody media, Percy thought. They had no idea how things were on the ground. They wrote about the war, but many just spun negative rhetoric and Tweeted their days away in a complete disconnect from the realities on the ground in Afghanistan. Percy thought they were here to do a job, and as a trained soldier, he wanted to finish the job that they started.

The bright sunshine forced Percy to squint as he watched a group of young Afghani boys playing footy in the dusty paddock that was surrounded by more dust and dirt than seemed possible and a massive contortion of barb wire fencing, that was designed to belie the fact that there were soldiers in the area.

The logic was that the local tribes would never suspect Coalition forces to be on this base given that it was protected with what effectively amounted to a white picket fence. The logic had served its purpose until last night.

Percy patted down his fatigues, looking for his polarised sunglasses, and then remembered that he left them sitting on the ‘dash’ of the Bushmaster when he went out on night patrol last night. His glasses were designed for every type of weather condition known to man and offered protection from the brightest reflective surfaces, but were rendered useless once night fell.

Good men had been killed, and all Percy could think about was his sunglasses. It was easier that way. He was too experienced a soldier to wonder why he was spared; why him? They were at war, and war meant soldiers and civilians will die. Good men who will do anything for you. Good men who had done anything for him. True heroes. Percy stood on the top of the stairs and stared over at the kids kicking up a mini dust tornado.

Percy heard the familiar scream of an F-15E Strike Eagle as it ripped open the endless blue sky, and looked up just as it streaked above him and then rapidly started to reduce in size as it blasted over the mountains in the distance. The boys had raced over by the fence to get a better view, and stared at the fighter in awe as though it were the greatest feat in engineering history.

And then the village boys, six of them, went back to screaming and carrying on with the Aussie Rules football that Percy had kicked into their game before his debrief. As soon as they saw him leaning on the HQ staircase they flashed their cheeky, wide grins.

“Oozy! Oozy man! Kick the ball with us!” said a boy named Awrang.

“I’ve got some things to take care of, kid. Maybe tomorrow eh? ”

“You work one day and then not work for the next day! You have to shampoo your hair?”

Cheeky little brat. All the boys laughed and screamed as Percy walked down the stairs over to Awrang, who tried to run away but Percy caught his oversized dirty grey shirt, picked the boy up by his waist, and hung him over his right shoulder.

“Little man, that sport you’re playing is sacred. You have to learn how to play without cheating first”.

And then Awrang’s friends hooted with laughter as Percy walked over to the water tank and threatened to drop him in.

“I don’t cheat, Oozy! You are just no good because you’re old man!” shot back Awrang, the shortest kid in the group, but the one with the biggest mouth.

“What’d you call me?”

“Tough soldier man! Old tough soldier man!” he giggled, as he wriggled and pointlessly punched the broad back muscles of the commando.

“Put me down and we can settle this man to man! On the field with the funny ball”, said the cocky little kid.

“Man to man? You wanna settle this man to man?”

Percy put Awrang down in the dirt and ruffled his jet back hair. The kid stood up and came to just past the waist of Captain Percy, but all he could do was swing at Percy like a demented monkey.

Awrang was a cunning kid. Seven years old and sharp as a tack. He was of the local village, and spent his days creating trouble and mayhem for the troops, who protected him as if he was one of their own, even though Awrang was more than capable, somehow, of looking after himself. Nevertheless, he won over the soldiers with his dodgy card games, sharp wit and cheeky grin. Awrang was Behnam’s son.

Awrang was already showing an interest in his father’s profession. In fact, the only time the kid would focus on anything was when it involved fixing, making or breaking things. He had the brains to do whatever he wanted, yet the nation state in which he was born and bred did not exactly subscribe to the Afghani equivalent of the Great American Dream.

What was going to happen to Awrang?, Percy thought.

Awrang’s uncle, Rajeesh, was in the Afghani army battalion that was learning the ropes in this province from the Coalition troops. The local soldiers were improving in their military prowess, but it was clear that they had their training wheels on. But the cause was their own, and they had much to lose, and that counted for so much. And they had enthusiasm to burn and knew the ass end of a gun from where the bullet came out. Awrang would be okay because he had Rajeesh, a good honourable man. He had to be okay.

Like most boys, Awrang simply loved anything that involved soldiers and guns. But tragically, his escapism was also his reality. Still, while Awrang and his friends were born to be realistic, they lived their lives carefree and innocently and full of hopes and dreams. The way it should be. And now Percy was about to blow Arwang’s world apart by telling him his father was dead, and that his soldier friends were leaving as well.

“Hey Arwang, I need to talk to you about something important. Come for a walk with me?”, Percy said to the young boy.

Awrang eyed Percy suspiciously, thinking this was a trap to try and throw him into the water tank again. But he saw something in Percy’s face, and came up to the commando he considered a friend. For all the tears for the cameras, none of the politicians had to deal with what Percy was about to do.

Percy told Awrang what happened to his father. Percy’s eyes welled with tears as Awrang apologised for his people killing the good soldiers. Awrang was saying sorry for betraying Percy. Arwang was apologising when he had just learnt his father had been killed? That’s a lot for a seven-year-old to shoulder and was more than Percy could handle.

And then Arwang didn’t want to talk anymore.

Tears rolled down Percy’s face as he watched Awrang walk away, with his head hung to his chest. Percy had betrayed this kid, not the other way around. This kid who had welcomed his team with open arms, loyalty and great trust. This kid, who felt he had betrayed Percy, deserved so much more than trying to survive each day; come what may.

The niche world of the antiques fair

While vintage shopping is certainly in fashion among younger crowds, who eschew fast fashion for its often unethical manufacturing practices...