I watched a bit of Top Gun

Top Gun is on the televisual device tonight so I obviously had to watch it, obviously, and, hence, blog about it because, obviously. I’ve seen this movie half a billion times if not more - that's about 83 times a day since I was born - because it's in my top 10 favourite movies about groups-of-unrealistically-good-looking-but-highly-egotistical-men-who-fly-planes-very-rapidly.  

I only blogged the first half hour, people, because I basically forgot to continue. After Ghost Rider buzzed the tower I went to buzz my kitchen during the ad break - even though the pattern was full - and made myself a cup of Irish Breakfast and I can't specifically remember where this story could possibly be heading that would be even vaguely interesting so let's begin.

Action!

• Opening credits: This cheesy melted cheese and sausage sandwich is based on a true story of the U.S. Navy’s fighter pilot kindergarten.

Goose lives! No people, 
they are acting. He is dead.

• Cut to the aircraft carrier with the ground crew. Their chosen occupation reminds me a bit of my morning walk to work across a busy road that hosts scores of public servants who drive like naval aviators, except without the talent or skill. These crew continue to confuse me with their utterly confusing and inconsistent hand signals. It’s any wonder Maverick doesn’t land on their heads.

• Now here we are in the sky. I often wonder how much artistic licence is taken when real occupations are portrayed in film. The first time we meet Maverick and Goose and co they have their masks hanging off their faces so we can helpfully identify one actor from another, like anyone cared who anyone was other than Tom Cruise. I’m sure proper pilots constantly detach their masks during flight to chat to each other.

• Goose takes a photo of the 4G inverted dive with the fictional MiG with a POLAROID CAMERA, which I believe dates this movie back to the 18th century. Given the whole mask fiasco I’ve just witnessed, if it had been around in the 18th century Goose would have also probably Instagrammed that shit using the Earlybird filter to bring out the rich blues of the Indian Ocean.  Just going to quickly post this before we plummet to our death. No need to focus on what you're doing when flying at 2,500km/h. Awkwardly, Goose later does plummet to his death, so now I feel like a monster.

• Also, spoiler, sorry, Goose doesn’t make it to the end of this 200-year-old blockbuster. More to the point, why haven’t you seen Top Gun yet - did you have something more important to do in the 18th century? How did you possibly find enlightenment without the aid of Top Gun?

• After receiving a military style whoop-assing from his boss befitting a public servant who naughtily buzzed the tower and broke various other rules of engagement, and being threatened with a future of flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong, Maverick is totally nailing this movie so far because HE’S GOING TO TOP GUN!