Last year I went on a
virtual quest, conducting an extensive search on my journey to find new white
sneakers. White sneakers were and remain stylish and très chic but also they
just go with all of the things. If you can’t colour match your ball gown or
bridesmaid dress to the same shade of white as your sneakers you need some
emergency stylin’ counsellin’ and perhaps also some holistic alternative fashun
therapy.
So in the absence of a drive through carwash style arrangement for shoes in my
city, I turned to Youtube to help me, sure that I was going to have to Do It
Yourself, by myself.
During my deep dive, through the internet of shoe things, I noted the Duchess of Cambridge’s whitesneakers, that she wears to ramble through drenched paddocks in Kent in England to provide a social call to Girl Scouts, and on never-ending ramblings in the torrential rain on the hustings on golf courses in St Andrews – if there is even the hint of an involvement of walkies or amblings on her itinerary, she will throw on her white sneakers.
I thought surely they must be comfy little buggers, although probably also retail for as much as a small two bedroom apartment in Bondi. But crucially, they never seem to look tainted with dirt or stains, which is just a big positive in shoes and also in life.
So I googled ‘Kate’s white sneakers’ and was introduced to the idyllic world of Superga. And, as it turned out, Kate’s shoes were available at the shopping centre across the road from where I live, and were on jumbo sale, and only cost as much as a one bedroom apartment in Bondi. Half an hour later, I had Kate’s white Supergas. Life’s opportunities were about to go stratospheric! I tear up a bit every time I tell that beautiful, heart-warming story of when we first met.
Six months down the track, the Supergas have been an outstanding investment, apart from two of the key components of outstanding investments being earning me an income or appreciating in value. Look, they have intrinsic value.
They also recently needed a deep clean, sullied by their hard life on the streets. Like many owners of hardworking 4WD vehicles who live in the city, these sneakers have not seen a paddock in their whole life.
So unwisely overlooking the fact they were leather, I put them in the washing machine, where they astonishingly survived my unintentional attempt to cause them grievous bodily harm. I am out on bail, but am expecting to be charged with attempted murder, punishable by a life sentence of cleaning Supergas with a toothbrush.
As it turns out, I do not recommend putting white leather Supergas in the washing machine. While they had the ride of their life, one they will not forget, it really did not do the trick at all for spruiking them up. They were still scuffed, and the laces were still stained black from the metal eyelets. It turns out my Supergas are not like regal Supergas.
While Youtube can be weird for providing you with maintenance advice, Jiff and a toothbrush is the help I unequivocally decided to go with. As it turned out, I didn’t have any Jiff, so I went in with a multi-purpose cleaner and a suitcase of hope and dreams. And it worked!
But the cleaning process took just about all day, on and off, and then they had to air dry, because I put them in the dryer and that sounded like I had abducted a small person and jammed them in for a quick 30 minute spin cycle. If that ever transpires - just know - all my neighbours think I’m normal and quiet and they would “never have expected that she would put a small person in the dryer, let alone of a pair of leather Supergas”.
I’m now left to ponder whether the Duchess of Cambridge does not have an enviable mass of officers to tend to her every Supergas cleansing whim, punishable by an hour on spin cycle if they refuse the assignment.
