Stayin' Alive

As Mark Twain famously uttered about growing vegetables on your balcony, "All you need in life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure". Right on, Marky Mark.

So, with Twain's guidance and tentative approval, I've seemingly decided to become a 'plant person'. Let me tell you a story. Don't worry; it is not a long story. Even if it was a lengthy anecdote that's likely more your problem that mine because this is my blog actually.

Anyway, once upon a time about five weeks ago I was gifted a strawberry plant, by someone who was clearly unaware of my past arrests, prosecutions and convictions as a violent plant murderer. 

My recidivism rate has been high over the years. I couldn't help it, it's just who I am.  It was a time of plant hardship; trees died, shrubs ravaged, flowers annihilated, the lives of young plants cut too short, perennial herb families torn apart.

While in some cases the death penalty may be a viable option for dealing with people who kill plants for a hobby, some people can change after committing murder.

The statistics are fairly low, but some people who have been found guilty of murder can be rehabilitated. With this in mind, I receipted the strawberry plant, with the hope and the promise of a new dawn, a new day, a new life, or of someone who doesn't know what's good for them.

So I left the strawberry plant at work in the sun that weekend. It didn't end well. My strawberry plant died, didn't it. Cue sad violins and all the sad emoticons to illustrate all my sad feels of that sad time.

Then, a few weeks ago, completely unprompted, the same enabler gave me a tomato plant. It was tall, it was healthy and it didn't look like it wanted to die. So much pressure. SO MUCH. This was the turning point. I could look to the past and learn from my mistakes, just like with the Titanic, Chernobyl, Costa Concordia and Tiger Woods.

This time I sought help, and was rewarded with much conflicting plant care advice. Gardening is confusing and hard.  I had a list of instructions of things to do to care for the thing that effectively amounted to 'water it and don't kill it'.

Growing vegetables comes with great responsibility. For example, you have to give it a name.  My little tomato plant is called Harry Highplants and also Harry Potted. Behold the two-named plant!

And it's going strong! I've got little tomatoes.  I've turned over a new leaf, so to speak. The damn tomatoes want it all though. 

They want sun, sun, sun but they also want shelter. They can't have everything they want. We don't always get what we want in life. They probably want to live in the garden of an ocean front mansion in Malibu, but only the rich and famous tomatoes get to do that.

Animal Cruelty Laws

*Climbs on soapbox*

Bravo to the Daily Telegraph and other media outlets for posting the face of the evil psychopathic woman, Lily Maihi, who last week threw her four-month puppy off a 15 metre high balcony in Sydney because... blah blah blah. No-one cares what reason she has to defend herself; she should be in jail.  Animal cruelty is an issue that makes me, and most of the community, see red.

Since it happened, the media have shown pictures of the puppy being loved and cared for by veterinary staff on the nightly news; clearly standing up for a victim that is unable to defend itself against unspeakable cruelty. At the woman’s bail hearing, the magistrate said that cute pictures of "doey-eyed puppies" won't play any role in the court case, which is an attitude that we, as a society, should find greatly disturbing.

Seriously, what the hell? There was no jury to sway, although I think every animal cruelty case brought before a court should go through a jury. Well, the magistrate can spare me his dog-shit analysis. I note that judges don't seem to have any problem making emotional rulings when it comes to the rights of aboriginals or anyone in the islamic community.

Humans come to the defence of animals because they are vulnerable and are unable to stand up for themselves in a court of law and let's not forget the puppy is the victim here. Secondly, the RSPCA, the media and members of the public have to appeal to emotion because the animal cruelty laws are so lax in Australia - in every country - that there is no disincentive for the truly despicable people of the world to not do it.

How about we apply human regulations to animal cruelty cases? For example, if you throw your puppy off a balcony, you will be charged with attempted murder. If the dog dies, you will be charged with first degree murder.  On the whole, I generally think society is better off with less laws and less big government.  But the laws that we have are supposed to be in place to guide human behaviour which enables the efficient functioning of society. Thus, breaking laws should come with harsh consequences and penalties that should provide a disincentive to criminals who will most assuredly break the law again.

I'm sure there are a lot of people who have thought that the best thing for Maihi would be a dose of her own medicine, but no-one would do that because most people are generally good, unlike Maihi, who is pure evil.  The other reason no-one would push her off a balcony is because it is against the law.  There's that crazy deterrent of a life-time in prison working again.  Wow, applying the law really works, doesn't it?  Who knew.

I’m also a little tired of the argument that we don’t have enough jails. Well build more fking jails then.  It's not fking rocket science. And then allow the police a bigger slice of the state budget so they can have the resources to manage the penitentiaries so we can put these disgusting people where they belong, and keep them there.   

Granting bail to a woman who has been charged with an appalling act of animal cruelty is a disgrace. The only lesson she will take out of this is don’t get caught in the act. If the current crop of politicians won’t enact stricter animal cruelty laws and the current mob of judges won’t interpret the laws in a harsher context, they all need to move on so we can have competent people in charge who are capable of actual law enforcement.

Next time a human pushes another human off a balcony I shall ignore the victim’s sob story about their desire to catch the perpetrator and have them see justice. The magistrate in this animal cruelty case says that’s the right thing to do, so that must be the right thing to do.  We must refuse to let our emotions be clouded by histrionic hospital bedside pleas by the human victims and their families.  Because that would be humane and we can't have that.

As a society, we should demand tougher penalties for those who commit animal cruelty.    

*Gets off soapbox*