The Making of Cadbury

Once upon a time, many aero bars ago in like 1801, a man was walking through the forest near his village in rural England when he decided that he didn't like people actually at all really, so he devised a top secret plan to make them all very, very fat. I guess he didn't have access to the internet so had to troll his frenemies in person.

"I could bury some of those people!", he exclaimed to his cat, and thus Couldbury, or Cadbury, was born.

Unfortunately, for this plan to work, he would need access to sugar and a sugary food making machine. "Oh fudge!", he said to his cat. Fortunately, he then remembered he had in fact bought a sugary food making machine in the village trash and treasure last week, so that was a very convenient and somehow not pointless purchase indeed.

He spent weeks but mainly just a few hours reading up about the history of chocolate, modern techniques of whipping up a batch, cultivating, processing, marketing, production, the chemistry of flavours, tempering, dipping, decorating and molding, ganache making and fondue excavating. That last one isn't even a thing, but - guess what - I'm telling the story.

And thus Cadbury was born. And just like all demented fairytales where the storyline is terrifying and the antagonist is fucking crazy, this one was too.

*names, places, truth have been irrevocably altered to ensure a more captivating storyline.