Last year I bought a Holden - one of Australia's iconic automobiles from the marque manufacturer (well, it is until 2021). I affectionately refer to it as My Little Bogan.
I always knew that My Little
Bogan had a racy past life, as it has sports seats, displayed racing car livery
down its side when I bought it, and was surrounded by fumes and sweaty men to
represent the smell/presence of a pit lane. But I stripped it of those
stickers, smells and sweaty people - thus its entire personality - because I'm
a monster.
Anyway, since I bought My Little Bogan, it's had a relatively dull life. I walk
to work so the only time it gets to hoon is on the weekend when we go round and
round the block a thousand times and only stop when someone raises a black and
white striped flag at us and sometimes that doesn't happen at all believe it or
not.
But today, a strange thing happened when I was driving home from undertaking one of the most average tasks you can ever honestly endure; visiting my local supermarket to purchase a range of fresh and preserved produce, traditionally known as grocery shopping.
Laden with my goods, I was sitting at the lights, minding my own business, as much as I ever mind my own business, waiting for my right turn. But as I took off My Little Bogan decided to go full Holden.
Before I knew it, the back wheels were spinning considerably more than the
front wheels were spinning in some sort of wheel spin and then the front ones
locked. I think it's called a burnout. I did a burnout; in what can only be
described as in an 'aggressive manner'.
I didn't mean to do a burnout. I couldn't do it again if I tried, honest. It
stopped at soon as it started which was a good outcome for everyone given
there's a police station sitting on that corner. It was very embarassing but I
don't think anyone noticed to be honest.
When I got home I had a good, hard brief glance through my Holden manual to see
if there is perhaps a hidden button on my dashboard labelled the 'Bathurst
1000'. It turns out no. Okay, maybe a special feature was added to my car on
purchase but I feel like I would have remembered that conversation with the car
folks, I am fairly certain.
I can certainly relate if My Little Bogan wanted to live it's best Holden life.
Yeah Bathurst! Evidently, Bathurst's first turn is a ninety-degree left-hander
called Hell Corner, so fairly similar to what you'd find at your
standard set of traffic lights. And then there's Mountain Straight,
described as a gentle climb where you can reach speeds of 255 km/h, which
really wouldn't be ideal at the traffic lights because the next building is the
aforementioned police station and that's not how law-abiding behaviour works
I'm pretty sure.
Now My Little Bogan has been unleashed, rather more angrily than necessary,
this is most definitely a recipe for disaster, so I shall endeavour to tame the
beast. I will (I won't).
