Search for a Super Umbrella

I’ve been on a Search for a Super Umbrella for a while now, and today, I found a very practical and efficient forest green one. Not a great cause for euphoria or interest on the part of anyone, but it does mean that I can go out in the rain without holding my head in shame or creating great scandal, which often occurred due to the appalling structural damage to my previous brolly, which has now gone to umbrella heaven or some such, with its crippled spine and numerous broken legs. At the end of her life, she was less suited to protect me from the rain than a cheese grater.

My new umbrella is called “Shelta” – in recognition of her brand name, “Shelta”. Which is all very original and memorable, if you were in the market for an umbrella name; which I was.  I am aware that this post is a bit of an abuse of the licence to freedom of speech.  So I should tell you now; I don’t think it’s going to venture into ‘interesting’ territory anytime soon.

My new umbrella is a Mini Maxi, which sounds like a contradiction to me.  But no matter.  It was designed for ‘elegant protection from the sun’, but I very much doubt that it can live up to that lofty goal with me as its owner.

I do own another umbrella or five, but my main understudy brolly is more for show than for walking through a harrowing rainstorm.  You see, I got it last Christmas after I loudly proclaimed my love for it on various occasions to anyone who would listen.  It is transparent with a white rim and folds right over like a graceful egg shell; or like a dangerous, semi-see-through deathtrap.   

On our first outing on a stormy day, I watched as people (well, women and the odd magpie) admired my pretty clear brolly.  But by the time I reached my workplace I was saturated, due to the fact that the genius design forces the water to come crashing down onto my thighs.  I also discovered that the transparentness is not ideal when one is trying to cross a busy road in peak hour unless one has windscreen wipers on one's brolly. 

And guess what?  One DOESN'T have that feature, so one was almost killed by an idiot in a lemon Getz who thought he was an F1 driver without talent, money or Red Bull.  Anyway, it just goes to show that supermodel umbrellas looks good, but are actually completely impractical when it counts / rains.

Did you know, that in the nineteenth century, umbrellas were often made of leather, and horsemen would carry them in their hands when they rode. Bunch of wimps. The man from Snowy River would never do that. But he would often be seen in his Snuggie, because it is darn chilly in that snowy river. And in the Aztec world, army generals used umbrellas made from feathers and gold, with distinctive markings, akin to a modern flag.  But still rather wimpy.