I never do new year’s resolutions, but this year I’ve inanely decided to quit sugar. When I say quit I mean lower intake, because what sort of monster desserts (I can haz LOLs) sugar? I believe I have exactly two resolutions, but I can’t quite remember the other one. Probably because my brain refuses to move a muscle without sugar. I hope I’ve started my back-up resolution though.
I’m fully aware that no-one cares about my new year’s resolutions and even less so about my sugar intake but, like I have mentioned many, many times on here, this is my blog, and I’ll cry about sugar whenever I want to.
Part of my problem, I'm sure, is those jerks at Krispy Kreme. They base their business model on the notion that if something has 400 calories then it should be made available in a box of 12. That's just really offensive and delicious.
I know my quittingness will last for exactly a period of time that will promptly end when I slay another human being for their donut. What I have recently learnt - but always knew - is that, without sugar, I turn into a Neanderthal.
We know that early humans lived in caves and drew on walls, similar to the wall on your Facebook page. The only difference being there was no function to ‘like’ pages, so they were in the dark about whether anyone actually read their cave messages. They were also in the dark in general. With no likes. Just a terribly sad situation for everybody involved.
Like me, cavemen were fine until about 3 or 4pm, when they ignored their smart watch telling them to refuel on animal carcass and their desire for sugar became otherworldly, and you better have stayed out of their way. Unfortunately, ice-cream grew on trees back then so they had no chance to keep that pesky sugar out of their diet.
My sugar situation is going fine, thankyou. I appreciate you asking. Except for the pile up of bodies behind me, but that is the past and I'm looking to the future.
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