I saw movie: First Man - that time NASA opportuned the moon

I went to see a movie. It was this one. In First Man, Ryan Gosling answered the call to be the guy who accepted the mission to boldly go where no man had been unhinged enough to go before.

And like any blockbuster feature film featuring Gosling as a NASA astronaut who winds up being the first man on the bright lunar ball, this one was no different.

There’s something about a movie that, in the first few gripping, harrowing minutes, forces you to hold your breathe just long enough for the hero to get out of the messy scrappy culsterfuck the so-called rocket scientists at Houston Space Centre have gotten them into. 

Not out of anticipation; just mainly to see if you can hold your breathe for the time it takes NASA to build a proper rocket that’s not a diabolical lemon (4-10 years).

First Gosling on the moon

In First Man, it’s Gosling’s portrayal of moon pioneer Neil Armstrong causing the turbulent breathe-holding, as he spins out of control, in an out-of-control spin in his space rocket thingy, but handling it a stoic, 1960s I’ve fucking got this kind of way. 

People were tougher than titanium alloy back in the day. People were Neil Armstrong, but with just about all of them lacking his skill, talent, brains, confidence in ability, determination, perseverance and space rocket.

By the time the opening sequence is over, you’re a quivering mess in your comfy cinematic chair, mainly due to the photographic department's overuse of The Shaky Cam, the new cinematography effect favourite of the biopic action-drama-thriller. And I Like It Very Much.

In fact, my new thing, when filming myself on Snapchat with adorable filters featuring fluffy dog ears or panda bear eyes, will be to the use Shaky Cam, as used on Gosling’s good looks. He could have been dressed as a pirate for all I know, with a patch on his eye and a squawky parrot on his shoulder; I never got a good look at him in the first 10 minutes in his spacial rocket.

The cinematography in this flick is ace, and kicks you right in the prefrontal cortex. It was immediate, visceral, very personal and demands – DEMANDS! - your attention.

You were there on the lunary surface of the moon, sitting on your Hoyts deluxe recliner with a bag of popcorn, getting cranky that your shoes were soiled by white moon dirt and glaring occasionally at the moon martian morons in front of you who was loudly discussing everything they had just seen like they were in a cinema back on earth.

It’s okay folks, I got rid of them by shooting off a couple of powerful rays of moonbeam, which stirred up even more moon dust and aggravated my allergic rhinitis, which was annoying but necessary.

I did appreciate all the cinematic shots of the space rocket’s buttons and levers and magical devices and appliances, but it really wasn’t necessary. No-one in their right mind knows what any of those buttons do. Not even Ryan Gosling. Maybe 3% of the mass audience had a clue. It’s a language that’s almost as hard to fathom as basic English, folks.

While the fake moon landing loonytunes claim Armstrong's setting foot on the lunar surface was fake and set in a movie studio, let's just note that a fake landing would be almost impossible to cover up, given the Soviets were on USA's tale in the Space Race. 

I can in fact confirm, however, that claims Gosling shot the moon scenes in a movie studio are fake. It was actually shot on the moon. Life's confusing.

Final note - agoraphobes, agrophobes and moonaphobes need to beware this movie. It does all the bad things you don’t like. Constantly.

🚀🚀🚀🚀
4.5/5 spacey rockets.