If there’s one thing guaranteed to fire up my blogging jets, it’s brushing up against self-absorbed, Corporate America—Themepark Division, in this case. It doesn't happen often, given that I neither live in the U.S. nor work in the corporate world. But sometimes, the stars align and I find myself right in the thick of it.
On the Simpsons Ride at Universal Studios Hollywood, Homer cracks a line: “They won’t stop until they take your last dime.” It’s a joke, but also not a joke. He’s entirely right.
I recently went online to buy two tickets to USH. Let me tell you, American theme parks see you approaching with your modest little wallet and immediately dispatch a giant SUV to meet you at the virtual pay gate. The SUV then transforms into a gleaming red, white, and blue Transformer, which rips the wallet from your hands, salutes the flag, and vaporizes your bank account.
How much did one ticket cost, you ask? More than $500 AUD? Yes. Yes, it did. Try AUD$540 per person. For one day.
Now, to be fair, we opted for the tickets that include one free Express Pass per ride—because if you’ve flown halfway around the world, you don’t want to spend your one day queuing for 90 minutes at a time.
Then came the inevitable upsell: for an extra $50, we could upgrade to unlimited Express access. And yes, fine, we clicked ‘yes.’ Because we don’t do this every day, and USH knows that. They know the psychology of the long-haul tourist, and they absolutely bank on it.
But here’s the thing: the price isn’t the problem. I get it—these places cost money to run, and no one expects a bargain at a major theme park.
My issue is this: at no point during the entire purchase process does Universal Studios Hollywood tell you the price is in U.S. dollars. Not on the website. Not in the payment window. Not even in the email confirmation.
It’s implied, sure, and we assumed as much—but you only really find out when you check your bank statement. It’s a deceitful, scammy way to run a business. But that’s Corporate America: if you didn't explicitly ask whether the shark was going to bite, they assume you consented to being eaten.
And it’s not just the shady pricing. It’s the cultural myopia. To Corporate America, nothing outside of the United States exists. It never crosses their radar to display prices in local currencies or even mention the possibility of foreign customers. Because to them, there is no “outside the U.S.” Unless you’re shipping them cheap labor or coffee beans, you’re not part of the equation.
Anyway. I'm fine now. I’ve decided I’ll just ride the Simpsons Ride on loop all day and set a world record for most spins. They won’t stop me.
Oh—and bonus anecdote: while we were at the park, there was an actual earthquake. A real one. So that was exciting. Glad we weren’t stuck underground. Or on the Transformers ride. That would’ve been poetic
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