Sanctum *SPOILERS*

Last weekend I saw Sanctum, the cave-diving suspense thriller drama that goes rather terribly wrong and practically everyone dies. What a surprise. The footage of the caves in Papua New Guinea is amazing, not that I will ever be going anywhere near a cave after seeing this movie. Although, I’ve never really cared to travel to the depths of the earth in a cavernous rabbit warren, as a generally find light and warmth and air and open spaces preferable to darkness, bitter cold, claustrophobia and drowning.

Aussie accents are at our cringe worthy finest when slotted into American movies; and Sanctum is no different.  Aussie Richard Roxburgh is brilliant, coping as best as he can when instructed to bung on a ridiculous Aussie twang. The only people I know who possess this torturous-sounding version of the Aussie accent are Queensland farmers, who spend all of their time liaising with cows, lambs or their fellow bad-accented farm help. And I dare say they are too busy herding cattle to be traversing into caves.

There is a psychological theory about movie-making, script-writing, etc, that states there will always be a happy ending because movie-makers don’t let people walk out of the cinema depressed. Movie-makers know that consumers like a happy ending. Well, that ain’t the case with this little number; it sort of slipped through their happiness verdict net. Despite four years of psychology at uni, I really can’t remember the theory, or what it is called; so that was time and money well spent...

I won a bet with myself in this movie; which in hindsight is quite pointless, but still satisfying.  I predicted that the words "Git owt a theeeeeere!!" would be used, exactly in that order.  Evidently, "get out of there now!", or its sister phrase, "we have to get out of here!" are the most commonly used phrases in movies, as they move a story along.  Fascinating.

Sanctum's not a REALLY bad film, and I’m sure James Cameron is mighty thankful for that, given that he Executively Produced it, and his moniker is plonked at the start of the credits.  Apparently this cheery little flick is based on a true story; and I wonder which part is the true part. I certainly hope it isn’t the cyclonic activity part. What moron in their most idiotic mindset would go into a ridiculously complex cave system two kilometres beneath the surface of the earth when there is a vicious storm heading straight towards them? Who would do this? Crazy arse cavers, that's who.  And golfers.

Golfers are a bit like cavers, in that their hobby is their religion. And if it happens to be raining, with random lighting striking over your tee off, well that’s probably the best time to stand under a tree, or raise your metal umbrella, or take a big swing with your metal golf swinging thing, or go explore unexplored caves. Yeah, I’m sure everything will be fine.