Declutter drugs

Why is decluttering so difficult? I am currently trying to throw out objects that don’t and have never had any particular significance to me.  So, why am I finding this process so traumatic and difficult?

I have a storage unit filled with useful, and many more less useful, personal items that I haven’t seen or heard from in two years, but when I “visit” them (1st red flag), I can’t work out for the life of me (2nd red flag) how I have coped without them for so long. For example, I have a pair of black, sturdy platform shoes, that were glued to my feet in the early 00’s, that I haven’t worn for a good eight years. I know they sound terribly glamourous – prison warden chic, as it were – but I loved them.

They were a tad chunky, a tad heavy and a tad ugly, but for some incomprehensible reason they were my faves for quite a few years.  And then there is the long, dark green velvet (yes, velvet) skirt I have for reasons I cannot fathom.  It's very soft and comfy, but I can't leave the house when I am wearing it without being accidently mistaken for Anne of Green Gables.  Better being mistaken for Anne than Gaga, I suppose.



Coop in urgent need of a haircut

I recently saw the movie Limitless, where the beautiful (not in this picture, right) Bradley Cooper pops these pills that enhance his senses 100-fold, allows him to use all of his brain, and gives him an IQ in the thousands. I love how the first thing he does is write a book in three days (he's a copywriter). Anyway, so I jumped onto the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) website, looking for word that these super-pills had been approved.  Pills that if I popped like jelly babies will make me as smart as Al Gore.  Oh, wait, they would need to take AWAY from my IQ to make me as smart as Al Gore.

It wasn't terribly important to me that they had been given the all important FDA gold stamp.  But, alas, it seems these magic pills do not exist.  I am shocked.  It turns out that Limitless is just made-up.  A whole bunch of hokum.  I wish someone would tell me these things before I get all disappointed, because the accuracy and attention to detail in Hollywood flicks… geez, foiled again. The same thing happened when I saw Al Gore’s soul-destroying, action-packed psychological thriller, An Inconvenient Lie.

I would never have picked his movie as made-up bullshit, what with all the scaremongering, lying, delusional scientists, absurdly inaccurate charts and graphics, and the fact it was narrated by renowned science-fictionist Al Gore. It's amazing how far Hollywood has come with special effects. I’m joking; I never saw his retarded mockumentary. And if I had, I wouldn’t admit it.  If I could make someone non-exist with my mind, it would be Al Gore.  

So what the bejeezus has all this got to do with decluttering? Um, I can’t remember. Oh yes, if I had one of these jagged little pills I could clean up my shite in no time flat.  Sure, I would be addicted to a dangerous, soul-destroying uber-drug, have constant headaches and seizures, and experience time-lapses that take me from Friday to Monday in the blink of an eye; but I would be all decluttered! Oh, and I want to write a novel as well.  And in the end, Coop doesn't die.  Bullet dodged.  Come on pharma companies, let’s get this happening.