| Some hobbitses fighting over the precious. |
The New Zealand cricket team and its fans
have taken a well earned break from sheep shearing, wine guzzling and Lord
of the Rings ‘hobbitses’ role-playing to pop over to the Melbourne
Cricket Ground (MCG) to play some good ol’ fashioned proper sport that doesn't
involve sheep, wine or hobbits.
This is the second Test in a trilogy of fantasy matches featuring these
gnome-like hobbits battling evil warlords (the Australians, stay with me) for
control of a magical place called the MCG.
As it turns out, the newly designed activity program for hobbitses at the MCG
does in fact allow for all of the important leisure pursuits that New
Zealanders enjoy.
The MCG Fun Curators have decided that fans should no longer have to choose
between attending a Test Cricket match or maintaining basic hygiene standards,
because now the MCG offers a barber service.
It is not clear whether it is for sheep and hobbits as well, but I saw a
human-ish looking man in the barber chair having his sheep-like beard tended
to, so he could sit back and watch the match in the blazing Melbourne
sun/wind/rain/hurricane (depending on the time of day you choose for your
manscaping). This is the new cricket. This is men living their best lives. It’s
a great time for sheep shearing hobbitses to be alive.
The MCG has stepped up big time his year. There are a variety of goods and
services on offer at the ground that you wouldn’t normally expect from a day at
the cricket. You can get a shave, get a haircut, shear some sheep, indulge in
some fush and chips, play some rugby probably and do some Haka, I don’t really
know. Nevertheless, exhausting day!
Credit to the boys, the creative types at the MCG, they really are making the
Fushy Chaps (my nickname for the drunk New Zealand larrakins who made their way
across the fishy ditch to the Test) feel right at home. The Chaps are loud, and
singsongy. Never mind ’alcohol free areas’; I’d need a New Zealander free area.
Where do we even draw the line with spectator entertainment at stadiums these
days? I’ve got no idea, but I also have an idea, Cricket Australia. How
about Pay to Play, where for a few hundred quid (going to charity)
you get to field for Australia for 5 minutes? I didn’t say it was a good idea.
I’m sure the Australian captain Tim Paine would more than welcome a drunkard
twit running around his outfield tripping over their hobbit feet. Stupid
hobbitses.
The Australian captain has been awfully perplexed lately at the Umpire Decision
Reviewing System, the DRS, and rightly so. To be fair, the meaning of the
acronym DRS should change with each ref decision. For example, Didn’t Really
See, Dat Ref Shite, Didn't Review Shite. The reviewing system needs a systemic
review.
Anyways, it’s looking like a win for the Aussies. We wants it, we needs it.
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