Emergency Bogan Plan

I was sitting at the traffic lights today, minding my own business, as much as I ever mind my own business, when a rogue teenage hooligan (is there really any other type of teenager) ran from behind my car toward the car in front, apparently engaging in some type of ritualistic car musical chairs at the traffic lights.  As you do.  And it occurred to me that I really was not prepared for a potential carjacking.  It happens, you know.

Like any self-respecting girl-about-town or femme fatale serial killer, I tend to carry a bunch of things in my car that can be used as weapons, just in case one of life's bogans decide to Toyota-jack my little red car, channel their delusional road rage in my direction, or break-in to tag their name in the dust on my dashboard.  The latter is a bit of a stretch; how many bogans know how to spell their own name?

I've carried a concealed hockey stick under my passenger seat for years - and an old blood-stained hockey ball - for security and, let me tell you, I sure as heck know how to use them.  I played high school girl's hockey, during high school girl's hockey's Underbelly years, and I often practiced selective hearing when it came to the referee's whistle. 

So it has been brought to my attention that I might need to get in some practice of my emergency bogan plan, which will involve whipping out my hockey death stick and shoving it into the adam's apple of a six-foot tall hypothetical bogan with four teeth and a brown mullet who is standing at my window yelling random, unintelligble bogan slogans at me.

I think I will need to rehearse this.  At the traffic lights.  In peak hour.  You can never be too careful about which direction the loonies are going to come from.  Safety before sanity, I always say.  I might pop over to bogan-filled Charnwood to see if there are any volunteers to stand-in as the lone carhacker/jacker.  I can't see how that plan can go wrong.

I've recently added a jar of Aldi's Bockwurst to my collection of vehicular self-defence weapons.  Yes, I have some German sausage in a jar, in my car.  I found it rolling and carouseling under the driver's seat.  I think someone gave it to me ages ago.  It may save my life one day.  One can apparently boil them in five minutes for eating purposes, or chuck them at the very temple of boganism, for the purpose of serving the local community. You're welcome, Canberra.