Royal barges and brighter than bright new colours

The Queen is here, the Queen is there, the Queen is bloody everywhere. I don't know about you, but I have seen Her Majesty the Queen and Mr Queen everywhere in the past few days. I'm actually starting to suspect that they have been following me around Canberra since their arrival at Fairnbairn Airbase last week, or the ranga hangar as it seems to be known courtesy of our current redheaded PM. I have an extensive trail of evidence of this unbridled tailing, you know.

It all began last Wednesday afternoon, when I was minding my own business on the side of the road just near the Fairbairn Avenue turnoff. Me and a few hundred of my friends were just hanging out near the traffic lights, as one does, when the regal entourage zoomed out of the airbase and headed toward town.

OMG, it’s the Queen!, I said.  And then I saw her AGAIN because some idiot in her welcoming posse decided that she would really, really benefit somehow from a viewing of Canberra’s stupid arboretum, that place with plants on the Tuggeranong Parkway, which took her kilometres out of her way, and back into my path. I can’t think of another reason to take the Monarch of a tour of the Parkway...

The next day I was standing casually on the “sands” of a “beach” at Weston Park, right at the end point. Sure enough, the Queen came sailing past on a barge, which surprised me, because I didn't think she would touch one with a friggin' barge pole.  The Admiral's Barge had white leather seats and teak decks with splashes of royal blue and looked nothing like barges I have seen before, given that it wasn't transporting shipping containers, wasn't hemorrhaging oil and it didn't have a name like Exxon Valdez.

I was a little disappointed that HM didn’t commission a couple of doughnuts out on the lake. Or perhaps one would refer to them as sticky buns. As predicted, HM’s ride caused quite a bit of right royal backwash, which resulted in the people who don’t think things through (or stupid people, as I like to refer to them) getting doused in swamp water.

So I had seen HM three times at this point, which begged the question – is the Monarch following me, or is it all just a big coincidence that we turn up at the same places?

The last straw was on Saturday when I went to the Royal Military College (RMC) at Duntroon, and guess who turned up, in blue, which was the same colour I was wearing? I know, it’s spooky, right? HM was there to present the new royal colours to the RMC in its 100th anniversary year. When I got over the whole coincidence aspect I got into the spirit of things.

This is the fourth time HM has had to present the RMC with new colours. The cadets must spend so much time keeping their jackets whiter than white that they have accidently thrown the colours in with the whites one too many times. This must be why they keep needing new colours.


Yawn - it WAS  a long ceremony

I am always amazed by the cadet's dedication, patience and stamina in standing through a two hour parade. Most of the 400 or so cadets get to prance  parade around the ground, but others, positioned around the edge of the parade ground, must stand still for the whole time, occasionally getting to salute, reposition their gun, flip their cap, stand to attention, stand at ease and so on. You wouldn’t really be much of an asset to the defence forces if you had low blood sugar levels. I wonder how they are chosen for this role. Perhaps they are ones who can stand still for the longest without wobbling or collapsing.  Regardless, their commitment (and training) is admirable.

What is not so admirable is the stupid parents who let their babies continue to scream because they don’t want to miss the moment when the Queen arrives. I empathise with the parents, but then I just resent the fact that they are ruining it for everyone else. A beautiful rendition of God Save the Queen remixed with whingy children and screaming babies is not tedious at all.

 

The Queen struck again when I was on my way home from a morning of pomp and ceremony and whiter whites at Duntroon, when I was unexpectedly roadblocked by a bevy (two can be a bevy) of police officers near Parliament House. The copper wouldn’t confirm or deny if it was the Queen blocking the main arterials but I badgered him until he spilled. Not annoying for him at all.

I’ve always wanted to be at the front of a roadblock when someone regal goes past!, I excitedly told my new police friends, who laughed with (at) me. The guy in the car next to me didn’t care for my anecdote.  As Robert Menzies said decades ago, quoting a poet from the 16th century who most assuredly was not speaking of a monarch; "I did but see her passing by".

And evidently, she crosses your path when you aren't looking for her!