Ruinous Rats and Drowning Swimmers

It seems the long-awaited (in that we've been waiting eons and eons) NBN rollout is been sabotaged by jaded and ravenous rats in Darling Downs.  I have no idea where Darling Downs is, nor do I especially care, but I assume it is in some inaccessible part of Australia where the NBN will fail to work properly anyway.

I think perhaps the Gillard Government could provide a rat welfare program for vermin that are just scraping by on the poverty line. Or at the very least allow them to dodge filing a tax return in 2012-13.

Perhaps the government could also administer some type of rat fulfilment scheme, where rat youth could while away their days playing free pokies and developing an alcohol or nicotine addiction rather than spending their time destroying the somewhat futile government infrastructure. There is no evidence that I know of that suggests rats suffer from gambling dependence, so I'm sure a program of this nature has some legs.

Speaking of rats, two swimmers that were chosen for the Australian Olympic team are watching their careers go down the gurgler. The two boys - I don't know their names, and don't really care, and couldn't really be bothered Googling them or reading their names in the attached article to find out - that will carve up the dirty, grubby, swampy Thames during the Games in London in July have found themselves in sticky festering septic water again, thanks to the fact that they are both total dickheads.

I think one of them broke someone's jaw once and the other lied about something or something. It seems to me that if the people who pay for your togs and your jetsetting around the globe already hate you it is perhaps best to not give them any more ammunition, like access to photos on Twitter of you posing with guns and ammunition. 

But the boys did just that, most likely because they are not terribly smart; I suppose you don't have to be to pursue a black line up and down a pool. I expect the left wing media and Swimming Australia wouldn't have blinked an eyelid if the boys had been embracing a javelin, for example, which is, however, also a nifty weapon to be clutching if you are suddenly overtaken with the psychotic predisposition.

But guns, woah, guns are dangerous. Leftwingers (ie. much of the media) are terrified of guns.  They start  hyperventilating when anyone holds a gun: "Aghhh! It's a serial killer! We're all gonna die!"  It really is anyone's guess why they allow coverage of the swimming at the Olympics in that case, because kids drown in pools all the time. And doing backflips on a thin mattress and coining it gymnastics isn't the best idea for your posture.  And sprinting over hurdles is just a wacky brainchild.

I am going to Florida shortly, home sweet home of redneck alligators and Disney World, and I think it is an ideal location and an opportune time for me to buy a handgun. Just because you can.  I don't mean at Disney*, I mean at Wallmart. I’ve always wanted to go to Wallmart. 

And then I can post some snaps on Facebook with my new toy. One of my favourite pastimes is watching leftwingers get so agitated that their heads spin around until they explode, so what better grounds do I need?  And then I could get labelled a pro-gun extremist - ie, the Age's name for anyone who disagrees with the Age on gun control.

Anti-gun groups and the nutty left wing media windbags start screaming like banshees about banning guns altogether whenever they hear the word. They seem to think the crime rate would simply disappear if guns didn’t exist. The assumption that everyone would start shooting everyone if everyone had a gun is absurd. And the assumption that criminals would forget about murdering, raping and pillaging society if there were no guns is also idiotic.

The left wing media should be targeting Federal judges, who often release serious criminals back onto the streets, believing they can be rehabilitated. They believe murderers are basically good people except for their tendency to sometimes kill people.

* Just kidding Disney.  Why would you sell handguns? What I mean is please don't sue me.