Elizabeth II

No, this blog post isn't about me.  How pretentious do you think I am?  I thought I knew you...

Now, everyone needs to pipe down and just be resigned to the fact that I am going to do another post about HM the Queen Elizabeth II, because today is the 60th anniversary since she acceded to the top British regal gig after her beloved father, King George VI, died when she was just 25.  And she's still kicking butt with a tiara firmly ensconsed up on her head after all these years.

The poor bastards who read any of my rambling queeny posts last year would appreciate my adoration of her Maj, and I would prefer anyone else to quit judging me with your beady little Republican eyes.  Why y'all hatin' on the royals?  Monarchists have feelings too, you know.

You may get sick of hearing about my unrequited regal love, but one would prefer to pour molten lava into one's ears than listen to the blithering of Republicans and their anti-royal whinging and whining.  Try not to think about my love of all things royal too much or you may find yourself on YouTube screaming something incoherent at a town hall meeting.

And no, I don't have to explain to you why I love the royals; that's the beauty of being the doyen of your own blog.  In fact, my question to you is 'why can't you be more like the royals, and less like yourself?'  Ah, just jokes.  We're all friends here.  Apart from any serial killers who might read my posts.  I'm sorry jail-bound readers, but we are not even remotely friends, but I'm sure someone out there will be your pen(itentiary) pal. 

Did you know that there are 233 prisons in Australia?  And god knows how many there are in America.  That's a lot of bad people with access to broadband.  That's what you get when you murder people; free food, free accommodation, free gym and free internet access for life.

Sometimes I notice on my blog stats that there is a spike of people in North America who read particular posts on my blog, and after I wonder why they read such nonsense I wonder how they interpret my writing, because, no offence* American cyberbot friends, but sometimes I query your understanding of irony and sarcasm, which is generally my preferred method of communicating with the world. 

If you are ever in any doubt, you can take 50% of pretty much everything I write on here with a grain of salt.  Unfortunately you'll have to work out for yourself which 50% is which, which isn't very helpful, given that when you may think I'm being silly I'm often being quite sincere, and vice versa.  The blogosphere can be a cruel mistress, but my blog is usually a load of hokum so don't get your knickers in a knot. 

Oh darn it, I forgot to blog about HM the Queen because I was prattling on about myself.  No matter; she knows how awesome she is...

* Sorry, I momentarily became one of those people who says 'no offence' as though it magically made my ensuing comments non-offensive.  Sorry.  No offence.