'Anti-summer' is the new winter

It's fast approaching my most despised season of the year - the dreaded winter of my discontent.  I've never liked that misguided season.  I remember once when it snowed in Canberra when I was a young thang; I stood inside glaring defiantly out at the weather conditions with my arms crossed and a pouty expression on my face, while all the street urchins played in the sloppy white/dirty grey goo.

I’ve since mastered the art of looking fierce when I'm uber pissed off; one of life’s most important yet undervalued skills. Winter’s arrogant and persistent nature dismays - DISMAYS! - me.

I don't mind snow so much as an adult, but it gets too cold to snow in Canberra most of the time, apparently, which sounds to me like one of the climate's pathetic little excuses as to why it just can't be bothered to convert coldness into some type of weather condition that is worthwhile and interesting.

The only thing more frustrating than the actual season of winter is people who profess to liking it. No-one cares if you like to freeze your arse off like some psychologically damaged polar bear, okay?  No-one cares. Just keep your dubious opinions to yourself.

These people are just like the ones who feel a need to bestow on the world a list of fun anecdotes and observations that apparently one can only experience if one gets up at 5am.  Everyday. Well, I don't care that you arise before the worms and the birds can even be bothered. I think you are an idiot; for getting up early and for thinking that I care about your crackwhore schedule.

I often berate my work colleagues for incessantly using the W-word, which is formerly known as winter. I think winter's key problem is that it's image is tainted by its crude nature. Once a loser season, always a loser season.

It's image could probably do with a bit of a makeover and the best way to do that is to rebrand the little sucker as some type of anti-summer. Well the anti-anti-summer, because we didn't really have a summer this year. But I can work on the naming - I'm just in the brainstorming stage. So the use of the word winter is now contraband, but anti-summer is okay. It's going to be fairly complicated for some, but the drones will get the hang of the new rules in time.