Winter in Canberra can be a right nightmare for people who are scared of the dark season. It doesn't get as ghastly here as it gets in those weird parts of the world where your overcoat must be made of reindeer fur or you will perish, but who the hell wants to live in a place where you have to fancy dress like Prancer just to collect your mail? Not me, my friend.
I get all crankypants when I have to shovel a quarter of a millimetre of a cold ice-like substance off my car windscreen in July, so I don't think I'd cope through a winter in Moscow. Plus, while they profess to be all capitalist and normal now, it's still really a communist state, so I'd be freezing my arse off and I'd be poor, with no electricity, or Gloria Jeans. Sorry, I really know how to kill a mood, don't I.
Moving right along. My total disgust towards the season of winter is why - this year – I’m fleeing to sun-drenched, tourist-invested, alligator-obsessed Florida for a month, where they don't do winter. Or communism for that matter. Most Floridians have never even heard of winter.
Actually, Florida really doesn't do anything other than stinking, horrible humidity, but their dubious climate sure beats icicles hanging off your carburetor. I don't actually know what a carburetor is, but it sounds like something that would stop working if it was clogged with frozen water.
I am travelling with someone who refuses to have her name placed in any manner of social media in fear of someone breaking into her home while she's on holiday and overwatering her plants or incorrectly dusting her shelves or something. Or maybe she is concerned about being vandalised or burglarised by rogue youths; I can't remember. It's a perfectly rational mindset, I suppose.
Given that I find it quite difficult to do pretty much anything without writing about it, and given that it's highly likely that I will blog a little while Disneying, I am trying to think up a slightly humiliating pen name for any references to her. It totally sucks being my travel buddy.
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| I legally borrowed this from someone's else's website, so Disney can sue them, and not me. |
Orlando in Florida is the holy mothership of theme parks. Oh my god, you don't even know. Although if you are a theme park junkie, you probably do know, and you'd be getting all excited about it too. While on the east coast, we will also be spending a day at the Kennedy Space Centre, so I can fully utilise that aerodynamics elective I did at uni. They've being trying to recruit me for years.
Alas, Obama killed off the U.S. space program last year - so it's just a museum now, without cool rocket launches - which is just another reason for me to dislike his daft U.S. Democratic party. I would hate to be the one dusting all the nooks and crannies of those space shuttles on display.
We will also hit the mean streets of New York for a couple of days to get involved in a few gangland drive-by shootings (my travel buddy doesn't know - it's a surprise) and then we'll be hitting the mean shores of Waikiki on the way home. I hate wishing away the days, and I never usually say this, but hurry the fuck up winter!
* The sun's a'shining in the skies and I'm making the most of this slice of weather perfection? I’m sorry you had to read that. Seriously, I should review this shit before I publish. Such a wanker sometimes.
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