Happy birthday, dear Canberra

Today is Canberra's 99th birthday.  At least I think she was born today.  All I know is we get a public holiday today in grand celebration.  Yep, Canberra ain't a spring chicken no more.  No more staying out late boozing it up, Canberra, or wearing those short shorts that you claim are fashionable but we all know are just plain skanky. It's time to start rocking the blue rinse and popping those health pills.

While Canberra may be a dear old fogey in human years, she's just a toddler when it comes to ye old worldly townships.  And she seems to be navigating the terrible twos just fine; her weight is average for her size, she can name many everyday objects, she carries her toys from place to place, and she can walk with adult support, which means she'll soon lose her baby fat (fingers crossed that it ends up being Charnwood).

If you happen to live in Minsk, or some other far-flung location of the world that has better broadband access than most of Australia's capital cities, then you will be quite fascinated to know that Canberra is this country's national capital.  I know; extremely fascinating.

See, come to my blog and it's just like Wikileaks, except without the rape allegations, astronomical ego or interest in hacktivism.  Oh boy, I could tell you some stories of Canberra's wild, vixen past that will make your hair practically stand on end, but I know that no-one in the whole world is vaguely interested.  It's probably far less taxing to just take some Xanax if you're having trouble sleeping.

And nothing says '"happy birthday, you old duck" like a good old-fashioned public holiday.  Next year will be the big cententary celebrations, and if I cared, I would probably know what the city has planned for it's own big shebang.  Alas, I don't know because I don't really care.  I wonder if Canberra will get a certificate of oldness from the Queen and the Governor General?  I certificate of coldness would be just as suitable, Your Majesty.

Surely in the next year or so the local ACT Government will start reclaiming their property which they generously lease to Canberra home owners under 99-year contracts.  If you did not know this then you should probably have read the terms and conditions when you signed up.  The smaller the writing, the more important the writing.

And then we'll all be living the sustainable Australian dream, which will involve new eco-friendly residential estates consisting of giant upturned electric-powered wheelbarrows.  And then, when you need to go anywhere - anywhere at all - you can simply flip your house and wheel your kiddies to school.