Your Hair - That's What Makes You Vaguely Interesting

The other day I called in sick, claiming a long list of illnesses which included a brutally sadistic headcold, a bout of Ross River Fever and signs of a hip fracture. I have been told that I can overplay my hand at times, but I doubt that's significant in this case. I imagine it's possible to contract Ross River Fever in Canberra. You just don't know these days, what with the ways of the internet. That darn thing needs to be monitored for bugs.

Um, anyway. So I was sick, crook, not feeling very well at all and crankypants, and decided to flick on the old idiot box to see what's happening around the globe via breakfast television. This is never a good idea, because I always end up giving a shit about making sure I catch some Rhianna interview or something. They build it up, then let you down, because celebrities are exceptionally good at being exceptionally dull.  You'd think actors and singers would at least memorise a few lines to make them sound vaguely interesting.  Alas, no.

So it turns out the only thing happening in the entire known universe on this particular day was One Direction-related, like whether the band members like vegemite toast (nope), how they can get away with wearing red carpri-style trousers and white sandshoes without being a toddler or a KFC employee (who knows the answer to this one), and how the hell they leave their expensive hotel room with their hair going in every damn direction. I am completely mesmerised by the Hair.  It's fascinating.

So, after a few hours of staring at the hair art on this cute, dimpled barbershop quartet plus one, I knew everything one needs to know to know about Niall, Liam, Louis, Harry and Zane. And I can put a boyband member's name to a boyband member's hair too. Sadly I’m not even joking. And let me tell you, the items for consumption that their pumped-up PR team let you in on aren't all that remarkable, unless you are a brainwashed 14-year-old girl.

The people who create these bands - Simon Cowell in this case - are good. This hair band’s only song - as far as I can tell - is about how girls are beautiful as they are, blah blah blah. Nicely played Mr Cowell, nicely played.

As pretty as they are, I'm sure this band is going to be like all the others, where they summarily break up, although one of them keeps threatening to get everybody back together again to pretend that teenage girls are still going to pay good money to go and watch balding middle-aged men who were once in a hair band.

I'm just super cranky that stupid fucking song is stuck in my head.