Although Santa's wholesome image is somewhat tainted in my view, given that he must be on crack to be able to personally deliver presents to billions of people in roughly ten hours. Maybe the missus slips something into his cookies.
By the looks of things, the jolly rotund red dude has been putting in some time at the gym over recent months. He's looking rather buff-ish, but he still could do with a little more time rocking the treadmill. His weight loss was probably instigated by the new sleigh weight restrictions, which have been tightened this year due to back injury complaints from some of his beloved reindeers.
On the plus side, Santa has been approached by those people who make calendars of men in uniform to do his own 12-month spread to raise money for starving elves in Africa. It was a no brainer for Mr C.
I have heard on the rumour mill that I need to try harder because I am slipping down Santa's nice list. I am a little surprised that I made the cut in the first place. I went to Santa's website the other day to try and find out what I had done wrong and how I could redeem myself in the next six sleeps.
The first thing I noted about http://www.northpole.com/ was the fact that the domain name would be perfectly suited for another type of toy and entertainment site, but one that is more appropriate for adult viewing. I'm not judging, but what the fuck? And the first thing that popped up when I hit the site was toy advertising, as if Santa would stoop so low as to buy toys from Amazon made by those communist wannabe elves in Chinese factories.
The website heavily features Raymond, the trainee reindeer who evidently won't be flying this year, perhaps because he doesn't have enough miles under his collar just yet. I'm sorry, but who the hell is Raymond in Santa Claus folklore? There is also Biff the Mailroom Elf, who has a PH.D in Mail Sortation, which means he is qualified to work at McDonalds North Pole, and Will the North Pole weatherman, who has studied Snowology.
I wish I studied Snowology rather than psychology, journalism and underwater basketweaving (the latter being the layman's understanding of how Arts students fill in their days at university). Will's hobbies seem to include weather forecasting, but his special skill, like many of the staff at the Bureau of Meterology, is incorrect weather forecasting. Although the North Pole Frosty Weather Reader Meter, which is a sort of glorified weather station, must assist Santa enormously.
And that is the magic of the jolly red man.
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