Patriotic theme parks

In news of total weirdness, thus completely normal French behaviour, France has announced that it is preparing to open a theme park that will pay homage to their deranged former military commander, Napoleon Bonaparte, as a celebration of 200 years since his passing, or when he gave up wearing white tights, or because he was 'born this way', or some other such momentous occasion worthy of a tacky theme park.  Evidently France thinks the world needs a never-ending sermon about the shit they've somehow managed to get away with over the years.

Napoleonland is the ludicrous brainchild of a former French politician, who wants to create this crazy French Revolution shrine south of Paris, where the N-Dog had his final victory against the Austrians.  Save it France; no-one cares about anything you do.  Washington hates you, most of Europe hates you, and the tourists only come to your country because of the Eiffel Tower and soft cheese.

The designers intend to recreate the Battle of Waterloo, there are plans afoot for a Battle of Trafalgar water show, and the piece de resistance will be a fun re-creation for the kiddies of Napoleon's greatest victory, against the Russo-Austrians in the bloody Battle of Austerlitz.  I guess it's going to be a case of 'do mention the war'.  My beloved Disneyland calls itself 'the happiest place on earth', so I guess Napoleonland will be 'the bloodiest place on earth'.  What a happy little educational theme park this is gonna be.

It's quite a fabulous way to alienate sections of the European tourist market if that is your intention, and knowing France, it probably is.  But I suppose all the nation states likely to get shitty don't care anymore, or have been subsumed by cooler countries and belonged in different empires back in the day anyway.  I'm not offended by war re-creations or their theme park equivalent, but I probably won't go to this one simply because it sounds like a really stupid pet project.  And it's based on a sociopathic military figure.  And it's in France.

Rather than pine for, and dredge up, and emulate moments that they consider to be full of historical brilliance, perhaps the French should look at their current political state of affairs and begin addressing their numerous failings that affect all of Europe and the rest of the world.  Like immigration, the troubled youth, the economy, Carla Bruni.

If they think this loopy theme park idea is going to pull them out of the financial doldrums they need to talk to the idiots running Euro Disney before they go ahead with it.  The French should just leave Mickey and Minnie alone and stick to what they are good at.  *if there was a sound to denote nothing I would insert it here*

I love theme parks; they are the best.  I put my adult love of roller coasters down to the fact that my parents didn't take me to Disneyland when I was little.  In fact, a holiday to United States a few years ago was designed around theme parks, because I'm all carny folk like that.  Yep, perfectly balanced, psychological response to the trauma that is CDD (Childhood Disneyland Deficiency).

Aren't theme parks supposed to be about escapism, rather than a history lesson? If schools did their job properly, like teaching kiddies about actual history, rather than teaching them how to recycle television sets by turning them into planter boxes and how to live your life in a biodegradable sack to reduce your carbon footprint, we wouldn't need to take history lessons from theme parks.

Australia already sort of has its own patriotic theme park.  Australia Park in Queensland is replete with fierce crocodiles and non-domesticated vegemite toast.  Perhaps, in the spirit of Disneyland, we should include Bogan Land, Macquarie Fields Island and an 'It's a Multicultural World' ride, that ends in passengers capsizing in a rocky ocean enclave, and being tormented by a glow in the dark, laughing hyena that sounds a lot like Prime Minister Gillard.

America has Dolly World and Graceland and, well, the whole country is a bit like an amusement park; highly entertaining, overcrowded, full of rich, fatty foods that make you sick and if you stay too long you may be thrown out of the country by an immigration officer who sounds like Elmer Fudd.