Certain things, like turkey legs and tinned tuna, are just not meant to be consumed in public. Certain fruits also fall into this category.
I think we’ve all been in that situation where you’re at a Royal state dinner and, just as Her Majesty the Queen enters the room, you decide at that point to rip a big chunk off a whole pineapple with your teeth and it’s dripping off your chin like a caveman devouring the raw leg of a wildebeest. It happens; it’s just one of life’s many social situations you have to negotiate.
I think we’ve all been in that situation where you’re at a Royal state dinner and, just as Her Majesty the Queen enters the room, you decide at that point to rip a big chunk off a whole pineapple with your teeth and it’s dripping off your chin like a caveman devouring the raw leg of a wildebeest. It happens; it’s just one of life’s many social situations you have to negotiate.
Fortunately, there are various types of fruit options you can eat in public.
BANANAS
In terms of feel and functionality, bananas are one of the best fruits fit for public consumption.
They are drip free, non-stick and are born with a handy skin to hold onto to get the job done. Their one downfall is their phallic nature - which is grossly dramatised in nearly every type of social situation - including in the previous sentence.
They are drip free, non-stick and are born with a handy skin to hold onto to get the job done. Their one downfall is their phallic nature - which is grossly dramatised in nearly every type of social situation - including in the previous sentence.
MANGOES
They are totally delicious and nutritious and their happy, summery hue ensures they are endlessly fussed over by browsing shoppers who pick them up to touch them, squeeze them and smell them and do other creepy and gross things with them. Up there with avocados and the banana, they are the most inappropriately touched fruit on the market.
Mangoes have clothing companies named after them, songs written about them - none are coming to mind, but I'm sure there are some - and are delicious enough that their reputation survives being a key component of mango pickles. However, while blessed with a juicy flesh, they are a public relations disaster to eat in social situations, unless you chop them into tiny pieces and put them in a bowl. Seems like a lot of effort.
Mangoes have clothing companies named after them, songs written about them - none are coming to mind, but I'm sure there are some - and are delicious enough that their reputation survives being a key component of mango pickles. However, while blessed with a juicy flesh, they are a public relations disaster to eat in social situations, unless you chop them into tiny pieces and put them in a bowl. Seems like a lot of effort.
ORANGES
They are also indeed highly pleasant on the tastebuds, but you need to bring in a team of paratroopers to clean up the mess you made. They’ll parachute in, hit their strategic target, arm any innocent civilians with citrus masks, and swoop out again, with only a couple of bridges and roads around you as collateral damage. You decide if the citrus hit is worth it.
Red apples freaking freak me out. Did life work out well for Snow White after Applegate?
Apples are, literally, the ripened ovaries of a seed plant. Oh that's just lovely. No wonder I don't eat as many as I should.
STRAWBERRIES
Here we go. Cue pretty, cute little strawberries, marked by daintiness and charm in colour, pattern and perfect proportions. Strawberries have truly branded themselves as the socially acceptable fruit ambassador.
They are right there whenever fancypants food is called for, and provide a dainty accoutrement to champagne. Adding strawberries to your big night out ensures you will remain respectable even when you can no longer stand on your own two feet.
They are right there whenever fancypants food is called for, and provide a dainty accoutrement to champagne. Adding strawberries to your big night out ensures you will remain respectable even when you can no longer stand on your own two feet.
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