DAY 7 The Writing Inquisition - Koala Bae

A L O H A

Meet Koala Gary (KG). He has decided to move into my life and has been following me around all week. He was recently diskoalafied from climbing gum trees because of a little speeding fine, so I’ve decided to adopt him.

We have been spending some koalaty time together and he has been leafing an impression on my life. We have been going through some ground rules though.

The basic principles: I do what he wants – and I’ll tree my hardest to follow that rule - and his ground rule is that he doesn’t ever want to be on the ground, so that was easy.

Don't tree this at home.

KG was born on the wrong side of the tracks. Raised in a trashy souvenir store, he spent his days in a plastic bag, forced to be man-handled by excitable tourists hellbent on stroking his ears as if he was a real f**king koala bear.

Since escaping the shackles of souvenir lyf, KG shed his coat, literally, his I love Australia jacket, and has resolved to only put the stupid thing back on if he ever goes somewhere ridiculous like Bali, or represents Australia at the Koala Games.

KG ‘s hobbies include swimming in a glass of Coca-Koala©, getting caught in the gum leaves, he hates the rain, and he is a koalafied climbing instructor, although he has been diskoalafied for six months. I have been doing some koalatative research to get an understanding of his likes, dislikes, motivations and the simple bear necessities.

I’ve just sent off his passport application because we will soon be spending some koalaty time together in Hawaii. That’s right, KG is going abroad!